The Hardest Part

      I have gotten used to people wanting to talk about “what is the hardest part of being locked up?”  If we take away the most obvious – missing your family and friends horribly – I think my answer often surprises people.  Not that it doesn’t make sense, it’s just something about which most people don’t think.  My informal polling of those who have written, visited, and called has provided the top three contenders for perceived hardest part of being locked up:

1) A forced schedule – not being able to do what you want when you want
2) The people – the common view that convicts are bad people
3) The food – prison food, ‘nuff said.

Let’s take a look at these and I will tell you why each is not as bad as you might think.

      A Forced Schedule.  In jail, you are told when to eat, when to exercise, when to shower, when to do your laundry, the list goes on and on.  While this can be annoying, it does add structure to your day.  It helps you avoid the trap of sitting on your bunk all day wallowing in self-pity.  Do I miss the impromptu trip to Starbucks or the day of meandering errands around town?  Of course, but the imposed schedule is not the hardest part about being locked up.

     Okay, so if not the enforced schedule, it must be the People, right?  Again, I disagree.  Most of the men I have met in jail are just normal guys who made a mistake.  Often they did nothing that many others don’t do, except get caught.  The majority of convicts want to stay out of trouble, serve their time, and rebuild their lives, even those convicted of more serious crimes.  Do you have your hardened criminals, your unstable recidivists, your outright sociopaths?  Yes, but they are the minority and can generally be avoided.  I found that the people may be different from what you are used to, but people are people and you can make friends anywhere.

     That leaves us with the Food.  I am not going to lie to you, we are not talking fine dining.  In fact, you would be hard pressed to even compare it to Denny’s.  Some of the meals served are truly disgusting – mystery meat covered in mystery sauce, with a side of soggy mystery vegetables.  However, at least every other day, one of the meals will actually be tasty, palatable enough to keep you going until another good one comes along.  Surprisingly, no matter how awful you think something is, someone else will like it.  You can enter the world of Jailhouse Barter and double up on the meals you like in exchange for those you don’t.  You learn to live with, and at times even appreciate, the food.  So if it’s not the Schedule, the People, or the deadly un-gourmet Meals, what is the hardest part of being locked up?

     To answer the question, I want you to think about something.  On average, how many times per day do you think you have physical contact with another person?  From something as brief as a pat on the back, to a hug, a cuddle, a kiss…anything?  10?  20?  30?  I know my number on the outside would have been pretty high.  I hugged and wrestled and and snuggled quite a bit with my wife and kids.  Now try to go a whole day without coming into physical contact with anyone, not even your pets.  Imagine doing that every day for a week, or a month, a year, 5 years.  No one to hug when feeling down or to celebrate a happy moment, to roughhouse, to encourage – nothing!  That is the hardest part.  The deprivation of touch, the lack of the most basic human instinct of physical companionship.  Simply put:  It sucks and it’s lonely!