Gay Prisoners

I have a gay friend, his name is Fitz.  That might surprise you, based on the common stereotypes of prison, but it’s really no big deal.  Gay guys break the law just like straight guys.  Anyway, so I have this gay friend – wait!  I realize how this might sound, the “I have a gay friend…” line.  May remind you of the jackass who proclaims, “I’m not racist, see, I have a black friend!”  Trust me, it’s not like that.  I do not have an issue with gay people.  I love gay people.  I love Barbara Streisand!  Okay, so I don’t know a thing about Ms. Streisand, but I have heard that many gay guys love her.  Back to the point, I have a number of gay friends here in prison and it really is not an issue, at least at our facility.  Um, maybe I should just start over?  That might be for the best.

So....  One of my closest friends in prison is a guy named Fitz, who happens to be gay.  If this were a tv show or a movie, where being gay in prison is often made out to be a horror show, that might be a problem.  But in here, in reality, Fitz is well liked and respected by nearly everyone on the unit.  He doesn’t hide his sexuality, nor does he advertise it (although I will contend that loading an mp3 player with Streisand, Bette Midler, Liza Minelli and show tunes is nearly the same as posting “I’m gay!” on the bulletin board).  Fitz is my connection to the Gay Shadow World of our prison.  Talks with him, careful observation, and some surprisingly frank discussions with some other guys on the unit have combined to help me better understand the complicated and taboo topic of homosexuality in prison.

I say taboo, because that’s how it’s portrayed outside prison walls.  Think of all those jokes about dropping the soap, stories of abuse, the token cross-dressing gay guy in a prison movie.  No one would dare have a serious conversation on the topic.  Even reading this post may be uncomfortable for some people.  But for those of you curious to learn more about homosexuality in prison, allow me to present what I have learned to date, and don’t worry, it won’t be too serious.

It seems that men in prison fall into a few admittedly stereotypical sexual orientation categories, such as:

(1) Straight – These men like women, have no interest in men, and are extremely unlikely to dabble in any gay behavior no matter how long they are in prison, but interestingly, they typically live and let live, not judging others. 

(2) Openly Gay – These guys have always lived a gay lifestyle, in and out of prison.  They don’t hide it, nor do they flaunt it.  Often they meet a like-minded inmate and develop a supportive, emotional relationship. 

(3) Newly Gay – In an effort to turn their lives around, these guys first admit to themselves that they are gay.  This honesty leads them to tell family and friends.  While looking for a relationship, they are also more likely to be looking for fun than the first group.

(4) Prison Gay – This is a real term that I’ve learned here.  Okay, you can laugh a little, like I did when I first heard it.  Also known as “gay for the stay.”  Guys in this category do not consider themselves to be homosexuals, instead using gay sex as their only opportunity for intimacy while in prison.  They tend to follow elaborate behavioral rules, such as how often do you allow yourself to have sex in a week, how soon before going home do you have to stop, which acts are allowed, if the other guy has to be openly gay or newly gay, and how long the other guy’s sentence has to be.  The hypocrisy in all this may lead one of these guys to protest loudly if a show on tv has gay characters, or they may rant against news stories about gay marriage.  

The openly gay guys, who tend to have what they call “gaydar”, can pick out Prison Gays in a second.  In our facility, the practice of “gay for the stay” seems more popular with black inmates than with whites.  In one surprising conversation, a hardcore gang dude explained to me that in black culture there is “nothing worse” (his words) than a guy being gay.  So even though other inmates may know what a guy is up to on the sly, a man living the “prison gay” lifestyle has to act like a homophobic jerk most of the time to save face.  The gang dude says he feels sorry for those guys, “because they can’t be 100,” which means they can’t live openly gay. 

(5) Wildcards – This group includes the “homosexuality is a sin” crew, the homophobic-racist-misogynistic jerks, and on the other end of the spectrum, a few pre-op transgender people.  Are the wildcards hiding homosexual urges?  I don’t know.  I try to avoid the haters and don’t know anyone in the latter group to ask.  Luckily, the preachers of hatred are in the minority, and most people just ignore their rants.

Actually, one of the things that has surprised me in prison, probably because of the way prison life is portrayed on the outside, is that so many people from all points on the socio-economic spectrum turn out to be progressive, open-minded thinkers, not just about homosexuality, but about most things.  Gives me hope for the future.  If we can learn to get along together here, dealing in our own ways with all the stress of prison life, and let people live as they wish without prejudice, then maybe we can do that on the outside too?  I mean, right?  Well, I’m off for now.  Fitz is still trying to teach me to appreciate Barbara Streisand.