Control.

You would think that prison might be set up to help people develop the everyday skills needed to make good choices, adapt to varied circumstances, work on becoming a productive member of society.  But no.  Basic decisions like what to eat, what to wear, when to wake up, it’s all controlled by others.  Your very existence depends on the capriciously arbitrary whims of the staff.  You try to help yourself.  Reading, working out, taking a class or an independent study, going to church services, maybe socializing or catching a little tv or playing a little softball.  You feel a slight inkling of something almost like self-determination happening, but it’s an illusion.  You’re starting to feel a little less oppressed.  That’s when they get you.

The shorts with the hand-sewn pocket for holding your radio while walking the track, suddenly it’s contraband.  They shorts are confiscated and you're threatened with a disciplinary report, even though you’ve worn them with no problem or complaint for the previous two weeks.  For months it’s okay to read a book on the Yard, then WHAM! it’s off limits.  Bringing a packet of condiments to dinner, wearing a hat in the library, I could go on and on, but you get the picture.  Even your job assignment is up for grabs.  You can be cruising along in the library, doing a good job, getting along with your co-workers, and one day find out you’ve been assigned to Landscaping.  You have no desire to mow the lawn, pull weeds, and prune trees, but off you go.  Why?  Maybe you annoyed a staff member or even an inmate who fancies himself a staff member.  A few well-placed gripes and cleverly worded snitches and Voila!  You’re a lawn doctor.

It’s this deadening routine spiced with sudden upheaval that drives some guys crazy.  If you’ve been reading this blog, then you know that my strategy for dealing with pretty much anything is just to grin and take it in stride.  Try to coast over the pettiness.  Get above the power trips and mind games.  Who knows, maybe there isn’t any out-to-get-you agenda anyway.  Sometimes shit happens and that’s just the way it goes.  What’s the big deal?  Life goes on, just let it roll.