You Can't Reason with Crazy

Big news around the unit the other day because G-Money decided to shave.  Just in case you did not know, being clean shaven and relatively young in prison signals that you are gay.  No use wondering whether this makes sense or is fair, it’s just the way it is.  You may be secure in your sexuality and not care whether someone thinks you’re gay, but you will still be hassled all day by propositions and pursued by a portion of the prison population. 

Meanwhile, back to the story.  One guy notices that G-Money has shaved and another says, “Yeah, he wants to look good for a visit.”  This makes sense, and he can just grow it back if he wants to avoid all the attention.  But then there’s this crazy -- actually as I see it batshit crazy -- thing.  This guy Tim joins the conversation.  Tim is a self-proclaimed Biblical scholar who claims to know the Bible better than anyone else on the compound.  He claims to live with one foot in heaven, the other foot on earth, where he serves as a beacon of God’s power.  His dimension-straddling power leads him to speak in tongues, and he claims to be able to perform miracles with his voice, heal through laying on of hands, and exorcise demons. 

But this, believe it or not, is not the crazy part.  I have no problem with his beliefs, but what he said in this conversation struck me as, well, odd.  Tim said that G-Money would be able to grow his beard back almost instantly.   "Why is that," we asked?  Tim responded, “Because when you become Jewish, by birth or conversion, God reaches down his hand and gives you the power to grow your Jew Beard!”  Stunned silence.  We’re all waiting for some kind of punchline.  But Tim says, “I’m totally serious.  That’s why Jews look so Jewy.”  At this point, I could take no more.  I invited him to explain how he could tell the difference between my Italian beard and what he called a Jew beard.  He nodded and replied that true believers can tell, adding that maybe I have some Jewish ancestors? 

I walked away.  One thing I’ve learned in prison is that you can’t reason with crazy.   Of course, one good thing did come from this.  We can now tease G-Money about his Jewy beard (poor guy, first it’s the walk and now the beard!).