My Cure for Insomnia

There are 63 living areas in our unit.  Sixty-two cubes, fitted for either 2 or 3 men, and “the Beach.”  The Beach consists of 4 free-standing bunk beds -- no walls, no desk, no window, no chair -- right in front of the officer’s station.  Once upon a time the Beach had tables and chairs but then the space got converted to sleeping quarters for overflow and/or punishment.  It’s not a good place to end up.  The lights are on full-blast all night.  You sleep in the open with the guard five feet away, the bathrooms with all their noises and odors are on either side of you.  Anyone passing by can grab your stuff, tap your bunk, mess with you in sundry ways.  Basically sucks.  Everybody hates getting moved to the Beach (luckily, it has not happened to me). 

Meanwhile, back in the cubes, all sixty-six top bunks are currently assigned to an inmate.  Being on top means it’s never dark.  The other night I woke up at 3:30 because the guards decided to replace some light bulbs.  I got off the bunk and wandered around as unobtrusively as possible.  Three top bunks were empty and three had wide awake occupants.  Where were the missing guys?  Hmm, that’s a whole ‘nother post.  I’ll give you a hint, though, refer back to my post about being gay in prison?  So, anyway, excluding me, I found 59 guys asleep on their top bunks.  I was curious how they dealt with the light.  Most slept with their blankets on their heads.  Twelve slept with the light right in their faces.  I counted thirteen homemade sleep masks.  The rest?  Well without looking like a freak prison night-stalker, I couldn’t be sure.  You may be asking by now, “Why is this guy doing this?”  Simple:  I like to sleep in the dark.

It was now about 4 am.  Time to act.  The DIY/Maker communities in the outside world have nothing on prison.  MacGuyver would be laughed off the unit for being lame and unimaginative.  Drawing inspiration from the creative minds around me, I figured I could make my own sleep mask.  Using my reading light, I surveyed my cube and locker for materials and came up with the following:

·      1 torn gray skull cap

·      1 elastic band from underwear

·      2 crocheted flower prototypes (too flawed to send to someone, but in prison you never throw anything away)

·      1 sewing kit

·      1 roll double-sided tape

After cutting off the top of the cap so it resembled an oversized headband, I got to work.  Two cups of coffee, 4 pin-poked fingers, innumerable whispered cuss words and two hours later it was finished, my Frankenmask!  It has two crocheted flowers for the eyes with an underwear waistband between them all held together by pink (it’s all I had) thread and double-sided tape.  It’s a mess, but when I look at it, I see a good night’s sleep.  It works like a charm.  Snug but not too tight, soft and lightweight enough that I hardly know I’m wearing it.  Slept straight through Lights On and breakfast for seven straight days.  People kept asking me if I was sick?  Depressed?  I told them, nope, just making up for 18 months of missed sleep!  Yes, I look like an alien clown or something, but I don’t really care.  Sweet dreams are totally worth it!