Recreation: A Refreshing of Strength or Spirit

We have a relatively new Director of Recreation, we’ll call her Ms. Snipes.  Why?  Two reasons:  (1) She bears an uncanny resemblance to Wesley Snipes and (2) she pretty much treats us inmates like we are the undead vampires from his movie Blade.  The Rec Yard is her domain and she is determined to run it like the stereotyped evil warden from a bad 1950s prison film.  Keep in mind that the Rec Yard is the only place where we are allowed to be outside.  There’s a soccer field, two softball fields, a pair of bocce courts, handball courts, basketball courts, a horseshoe pitch and about 15 picnic tables.  On a nice day it’s not uncommon to see Bible studies, card games, book groups, and board games being played at the tables in addition to all the sporting events and workouts.   

Except Ms. Snipes has other ideas.  She has decided that she will determine what counts as recreation, and in her mind only exercise fits that definition.  She has banned all books, notepads, journals, magazines, and newspapers.  It doesn’t matter if you’re 80 years old and use a wheelchair, no exceptions!  I had assumed this rule was just inmate gossip until yesterday.  With about an hour between lunch and my library job, I went out to enjoy the beautiful spring day by reading/writing a little on the Yard, like I have often done.  At the gate, there stood Ms. Snipes with the look of a very angry, vampire-ready Blade.  What follows is our conversation, recalled to the best of my ability (my thoughts in parentheses):

• Hi Ms. Snipes.
• Bag! (That was all she said, no verb, nothing.)
• Um, yes? (Not sure what she wanted.)
• What’s in it? (These are see-through mesh bags.)
• A book, a pen, and my writing notebook.
• Can you read? (spoken in a sarcastic, wishing-I-would-die tone of voice.)
• (Unable to resist and just answering the question) Why yes, I can Ms. Snipes, quite well in fact.  Would you like to borrow my book when I’m finished?
• That’s not what I meant.  My memo!  No books allowed!
• But I find books recreational. What is wrong with bringing a book to Rec?
• You are an inmate.  You have no right to question why I do what I do.
• What about guys who are unable to workout, but they don’t want to be inside all day?
• CAN YOU READ?  (Oh my goodness, back to this again.)
• (At this point, discretion being the better part of valor, I decided to just walk away.)
• Hey, I asked you a question:  CAN YOU READ?
• (No idea how to respond at this point.)  Yes, I read the memo, but I thought it just meant no contraband.  I didn’t think it really meant all books, too.  So I’m going inside.

Thankfully, she let me walk away, having imposed her punishment for the sake of punishment.  Look for a future blog post:  The Literati vs. Wesley Snipes: Blade 5!