(Real statements/bulletins from the prison staff)
Posted Example of a Disciplinary Shot:
All inmates at the LSCI are required to dawn a mask at all times in the housing unit. (Thank goodness they clarified! I’d been dusking my mask all this time.)
Announced Response to Some Guys Decorating their Masks:
Return to your Cubes! You will be issued new masks. Any altercations involving masks will result in a disciplinary shot. (Phew, glad they’re on top of this one! I nearly got my butt kicked last night by a couple of surly masks.)
Misunderstanding re Covid in Prison:
Inmate: “Hey guard, where’s your mask?”
Guard: “You guys are negative, right? Don’t worry about me. I won’t contact the virus.”
Inmate: “Um, but you could give it to us.”
Guard: “It came from y’all in the first place!”
(Okay, where to go with this? I think he really does believe Covid mysteriously came from us, as if it floated in on a cloud and infected us inmates first. And how is it that the guards get away without wearing masks around us? Finally, does he actually think the guy asked him about it because we’re worried about him? Contact? Hope he meant contract.
Guard Addressing a Group of Guys Gathered at a Cube: “Hey, remember your sociable distancing!”
(We discussed this one. Was the guard being clever? Intentionally funny? If so, pretty good. Or was it just a lucky swing? The 300-yard drive after a million mulligans? I’m leaning towards the blind squirrel finding a nut – but you never know.
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