I get it, I really do.
In prison you follow the rules, like them or not. I don’t even mind most of the time, but then
there are those rules that seem made just for the sake of having something to
enforce. Such as:
The Knit Cap Rule: We
are not allowed to wear our caps until a guard decides that it’s cold enough
for them. The other day when it was 62
degrees, overcast and drizzling, most folks pulled out their lightweight knit
caps bought at commissary or issued by the prison. That is until the following conversation with
a guard (observed with my own eyes and ears):
Guard: You must
remove your hat.
Old Man: Why?
Guard: It’s a rule.
Old Man: Where does
it say that?
Guard: In the rules.
Old Man: Umm, no it
doesn’t.
Guard: Yeah it does.
Old Man: Where?
Guard: I don’t know,
that’s your problem.
And a few minutes later:
Guard: Remove your
hat.
Prisoner: Why?
Guard: Per the Captain’s
orders.
Prisoner: For what
reason?
Guard: Come on, you
can’t tell me you’re cold.
Prisoner: You can’t
tell me I’m not.
Guard: The Captain
will let you know when it’s cold enough to wear a cap.
The Pockets Rule:
While walking to recreation, you are not allowed to have your headphones
hanging around your neck or in your hands, even with the radio off. But our gym shorts don’t have pockets (unless
you sew some in, which some people do, but pockets are contraband, and you will
be sent back to your bunk if a guard notices your pocket). This resulted in the best pat-down exchange
so far:
Guard: Hey, come
here.
Prisoner complies without speaking and guard pats him down,
inmate with quizzical look on his face.
Guard: You don’t have
pockets!
Prisoner: I know.
Guard (patting prisoner’s butt): Hey, what’s this bulge?
(All other prisoners snicker.)
Prisoner: My radio.
Guard: Where is it?
Prisoner: In my
underwear.
Guard: Why?
Prisoner: Yesterday
you told me that my radio was not to be seen.
Guard: But you’re
hiding it. I could take it.
Prisoner pulls wide the band of his underwear. Says: Sure, go ahead.
(More snickers with laughter now.)
Guard, red-faced, to all of us: Get moving!
Get the hell out of here!
The No Books on the Recreation Yard Rule: This isn’t a strictly new rule, but now old
Wesley Snipes, backed by Captain Douchebag, has decreed that we will have NO
BOOKS AT RECREATION – EVER!
And finally the You Must Wear a Shirt at Rec Rule: Which means no shirts and skins games at basketball
court. Can’t take off your shirt when
it’s 100 degrees and muggy. No shirts
off, at a man’s prison! The reason? Something about it might offend the female
staff. I try to make sense of all this,
but seriously? Do these women never go
to a pool? Or the beach? I mean, they chose to work here!
Anyway, so much for nothing much happening here. The Captain appears to be angling to make
something happen. The more he treats us
as children with all these senseless rules, the more guys are going to
rebel. They aren’t in prison because
they played well with others, or because they got along well with authority. These petty rules just make already angry
people angrier and more resentful.
Respect breeds respect and the opposite breeds the opposite. Even children know this.
