Friday, March 1, 2019

Beavis & Costello


We begin with a 45-minute argument over who has the classiest and smartest woman on the streets, concluding with:

Bro #1:  (haughty, condescending) Let me ask you this:  Do you know what a lobotomy is?
Bro #2:  C’mon man…what you think, I’m stupid?
Bro #1:  I don’t know, you tell me.
Bro #2:  Yeah, see, the chick at the hospital, when she takes your blood, that’s a lobotomy.
Bro #1:  Okay, good job.
Bro #2:  Hell yeah it is!
Bro #1:  That’s what my girl does, she’s a lobotomist.  (Then simulates mike drop and walks away.)

If I’d offered phlebotomist, would they have called this a nose doctor?  (phlegm?  Got it?  Ha!)

And this:

Watching the MTV show Ridiculousness the other day, featuring crazy things that happen in cars.  Two guys driving down the highway when a snake pokes its head into the tiny gap in a barely opened window.  The camera flashes to the speedometer – 75 mph.  One guy in the tv room turns to another and the following exchange ensues:

Guy #1:  Man, I don’t believe this shit!
Guy #2:  Me neither.
Guy #1:  I mean, like yeah, ain’t no way a snake jumped off the ground and grabbed that car at 75 mph!
Guy #2:  Yeah, maybe 25 or 30, but 75?  They smarter than that!

I’m surrounded by Geniuses!  Geniuses, I tell ya!