Interruption in Blog

To anyone who has been regularly reading these blog posts, a new one posted each week, wanted to let you know that there will be a short hiatus while the guy who posts goes on vacation.  In the meantime, don't know if you may have seen this harrowing short video clip, but I recommend it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9YDlL4KtR8

The part of the clip I'm referring you to comes in at about the 6 minute mark of this longer show.

We'll be back with a new blog post in early June -- thank you for caring!

Outrunning the Devil

Our old friend Billy Joe just returned after a stay at the hospital.  He was so sick that they took him to a well-known and respected University hospital nearby, where he probably received some of the best medical care available.  He is now prescribed a “Heart Healthy Diet” (this, of course, implies that they know our usual diet is nothing like that).  Billy Joe vowed that he was going to eat whatever the hell he wants, despite the better food his new status affords him, and not two days had gone by before he was smuggling out his healthy meals and swapping them for Swiss Rolls and Cokes.  I asked him to explain this behavior and he did not disappoint:

The devil been chasin’ me for years.  I’ve lied, cheated, and stealed (sic).  I’ve slinged dope, run whores, sold guns, and shot people.  I been a lowdown no good criminal my whole life.  Stayin’ me one step ahead of the devil, but one step behind the law.  I figure I got nothin’ to worry about.  If the devil don’t want me for all I done, I figure he ain’t gonna take me over some cakes and pop.

Feeling a little philosophical, I asked Billy Joe about his thoughts on religion.  If he believes in the Devil, does he believe in God?  Would trying to “get right” as he would say get him some brownie points in the afterlife?  He had thought this through and laid it out for me, “Well now Library Man, I been so low not even God would recognize me.  I figure it’s better to be an honest crook than a lyin’ angel!”

I don’t know if I agree with Billy Joe about it being too late to change his life, but he does have a point about being true to who you are.  Too many guys here try to play a part.  The Gangsta, the Carman, the Kingpin, they lose touch with themselves.  I’m sure they do it for protection, wearing a mask to not get hurt emotionally.  I think the toughest guys here really are the ones who get through it with a kind and caring attitude, who try to stay sane.  I won’t give up talking to Billy Joe about finding a better path for his life, but it’s his choice in the end.  And if he at times all he needs is a Swiss Roll, a Coke and someone to listen, I can also handle that.

Take My General Knowledge Quiz!

I’ve always thought of myself as fairly intelligent.  Over the years I’ve learned a few things.  I’m even a better than average Trivial Pursuit player.  But in here I’ve discovered what a real moron I am.  For instance, not a day goes by without one of my carefully considered opinions or comments laughed at, stared down, or – the ultimate insult to my intellect – laughed at and stared down while being called “that crazy white guy” (even by other white guys)!  These responses are not done with malice, more, I think, in amazement.  One guy shook his head and said he couldn’t believe the things they didn’t teach me in college.

Now, before you climb up on your high horse, let’s see how you fare on a test of general knowledge, Prison Version.  Answer each of these questions to the best of your ability.  No cheating!  No Googling!  After all, Al Gore didn’t invent “them internets” for cheating (by the way, if even one reader gets that reference, THANK YOU!).

1.              How many states are in the United States?

2.              T or F:  Italians are white.

3.              Are Catholics Christians?

4.              T or F:  Wearing a trash bag while working out builds muscle.

5.              T or F:  Pigs have no cardiovascular system to carry blood in their bodies.

6.              Who is the newest member of the Illuminati ruling board?

7.              T or F:  African Americans cannot be racist.

8.              Is/was O.J. guilty or innocent?

9.              T or F:  The louder you shout, the smarter you are.

10.          T or F:  Bill Clinton is having an affair with Michelle Obama.

11.          And if true, why are they having an affair?

Okay, got your answers down?  Let’s see how you did:

1.              You may have said 50.  I did.  But the prison answer is 52.  Washington, DC and Puerto Rico count.

2.              Being a little darker skinned than lily white, I’m often mistaken as Hispanic, so this question comes up a lot.  I say I’m white, and when pushed to say where my ancestors come from, I answer Italy, to which 9 out of 10 times the response is, “Italians aren’t white!”  (Man, think of all the demographic questionnaires I’ve screwed up in my life!)

3.              Of course they are, right?  Well, no, and this one gets people riled up, as they say here, “in their feelings.”

4.              This is a point of near religious certainty in prison.  Every day the Rec Yard looks like a scene from Visionquest (late ‘80s movie about a wrestler?  Anyone?) with everybody draped in trash bags.  No, not to drop weight (which sort of makes sense), but to build muscle.  How?  No clue.

5.              Pigs apparently do have a heart and blood but its pumped or seeps through the body through osmosis, sort of like a sponge, at least that’s the best understanding I have of the concept.  If anyone is intimately familiar with porcine biology and this is actually true, please let me know, because I’ll owe some apologies.

6.              First of all, you are not allowed to answer by claiming you don’t believe in the all-powerful world-dominating cabal.  Secondly, I am told this is an easy one, since everybody knows this is Oprah.  She sold out, made a deal with the devil.

7.              This one can sometimes lead to a reasonable debate.  Can people who have been subjected to systemic racism for hundreds of years be racist themselves?  It’s a conundrum.  One thing we all agree on is that Dave Chapelle’s skit with Clayton Bigsby should be required viewing before considering this question (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T8L3xcsA3w&list=RDopodqhfYQgY&index=4.)

8.              Hmm, I’ve had this debate on the outside, too.  In here, most inmates of whatever race hold that OJ is innocent but that even if he is guilty he deserved to get off, because the LA cops were racist and corrupt.  If you suggest that OJ being guilty and police corruption can exist side-by-side and you will be laughed out of the room.

9.              I mean, obviously!  YES!  All day and all night!

10.          Of course.

11.          And the reason is, it’s blackmail to keep Obama from declaring martial law and installing himself as ruler for life.  This paves the way for Hillary to do that when she becomes President.  May I just add, you can’t make this stuff up!

Did you fail miserably, like me?  Let me just conclude that I do know many thoughtful and intelligent men in prison.  I am not writing this post to make fun of anyone or to imply that everyone here is a knucklehead.  Rather, I think these ideas are a product of “groupthink.”  We all live in our own little world and as I discussed in a previous post, it’s fairly easy in any community to propogate “facts” if you speak with conviction and bravado (see, for instance, Trump for President campaign).  In here, where we lack resources to fact check, we create our own reality.  Did you know that the Vatican has nuclear weapons?  Shout it loud and often enough and it’ll be true.