The Peanut Butter Cookbook

Ah, peanut butter!  How many days and how many ways can I enjoy thee?  Locked down as we are, having bagged meals brought onto the unit for the past four months (we cannot use cafeteria during Covid), peanut butter has become our most common staple food.  So I’ve gotten creative in my effort to seek culinary variety of some sort.  There’s PB&J, of course, but also PB&M (mayo) and PB&Mu (mustard), any of these improved by slices of banana.  Don't make the mistake of PB&H (hummus) – I mean, I like PB.  I like hummus.  But together?

 

The most creative bunk chefs on the unit have branched out beyond sandwiches.  We’ve made thai peanut sauce, Mexican mole sauce, even a peanut butter and chicken pizza!  For us Southerners, PB&G (grits)!  Or for a snack, PB dipped in fruit:  Apple dipped in PB tastes sort of like a caramel apple?  So why not a caramel pear?  Which led me to carrots (8/10), celery (yechh – 0/10), oranges (-2/10)....

 

Just when I thought I’d tried them all – peanut butter with almost anything edible:  beans, hamburgers, hot dogs, roast beef – just when I was convinced that I just could not stomach anything with peanut butter ever again, along came PB Nirvana!  Allow me to share with you the secret of the best PB-wrap you can make (at least behind bars).

 

1.     Lay out a tortilla, preferably flour;

2.     Spread a thin layer of mayo on it;

3.     Top with a thick swipe of peanut butter;

4.     Top that with a pre-prepared glop of oatmeal;

5.     Top that with brown sugar and cinnamon; and

 

Are you ready?  The crowning touch:  add a couple spoonfuls of white albacore tuna.

 

Okay, I know what you’re thinking.  No way, right?  I guarantee you’ll find it scrumptious – just thinking of this heavenly wrap has my mouth watering.  But then, here on day 120 of lockdown, maybe I’ve finally gone ‘round the bend?  Well, gotta go – guys are blending up a PB, chocolate milk and apple milkshake – yum!