Really?

Welcome to another installment of “If You Don’t Laugh, You’re Gonna Cry,” alternatively known this week as “Has My Life Really Come to This?”  A group of us have shortened this lament to one word:  “Really?”  It’s our code to signify otherwise absurd situations that are commonplace behind bars, for instance:

• Sitting at lunch debating the best way to sneak napkins out of the Chow Hall (Yes, Napkins!  Really!)
• Getting to know guys with cool nicknames like Fats, Shorty, Wild Man, Main Man, Half-Baked, Thug, Little B, Big B, and Blank.  (Really?)
• Waking up at 4 am to pee and having to wait in line!  (Really?)
• Watching a blind man in a wheelchair get searched by the guards when leaving the Chow Hall.  (Really?)
• Then seeing the blind man in the wheelchair nearly get in a fight with the guy who pushes his chair for hiding 12, count ‘em 12, milk cartons in the chair.  (Really?)
• Sewing a secret pocket in your shorts to conceal condiment packets that are banned from the Chow Hall.  (Really?)
• Not only having the TV relentlessly tuned to daily reruns of “Charmed,” but watching two guys fight over which tv witch is hotter.  (Really?)
• Discovering from your neighbors’ conversations that the stories on Jerry Springer are totally legit.  (Really?)

That’s it for this week!  Back soon with more.  Really!