3 Versions of the Truth

Flipping through my dictionary, I come to the word truth:  The real state of things, agreement with fact or reality.  Simple, right?  In prison, not so much.  Here, I’ve learned, the truth comes in three flavors:  (1) the Truth, (2) Prison Truth, and (3) the Real Truth.  Here’s my best shot at explaining the differences:

The Truth:  This category includes assertions (usually in the form of bragging) that may or may not be true, but are of little consequence.  Debating would just slow down the conversation.  For example, some guys are looking at car magazines and one brings up the Porsche he used to own.  Big deal, everybody just rolls with it.  We have no idea if he’s just made this up and we don’t really care.  Example Two:  Watching Miami Vice on tv and somebody claims to have lived there, even though he has previously said he was from Texas.  He does know the geography, landmarks and hotspots, so the story is plausible (of course he could have learned it all from Anthony Bourdain).  But no one cares.  Gassing like this goes on all day.  As they say, “you can be anything you want to be in prison” and as long as it’s not too outrageous, it’s no problem.

Then there’s Prison Truth:  These are the Yard Legends (ie, urban legends but behind bars) that are bolder, more audacious claims, but still accepted because they serve a valuable purpose, typically getting one over on the Administration.  For example, “I saw a guy smuggle four dozen apples from Chow Hall, hidden in his clothing!  He even got searched and didn’t get caught.  He baked twelve apple pies and everybody got a slice.  Next day the same guard stopped him and commented on his weight loss.  Dude replied, “Diet and exercise!  You should try it!” 

Now is any of this true?  Not likely, but we all wish it was so we let it pass.  As with the guy who supposedly faked having two inmates in his cell for two months to keep from getting a real cellie, another guy back in the day who demonstrated insane strength, etc.  Occasionally, though, we do take as shot at truth-checking, though our lacking Google, Siri or the New York Public Library Help Line makes this a challenge.  Recently a guy claimed to have owned the largest car dealership in Alabama.  Yes, he knows cars and a homeboy of his verified that he sold cars, but largest dealer?  Hmm, I could use my precious phone minutes to call a friend and find out.  Definitely not worth it.  So he wins this round of Prison Truth.

Now we come to The Real Truth:  This, finally, is probably what you think of as true.  The Real Truth mainly comes into play in arguments over sports facts, scientific information or some other clearly researchable claim.  You can go to the prison library to prove most of this stuff.  But sometimes stories are so outrageous, yet unverifiable inside, that they necessitate making an outside phone call.  Like there’s a guy who claimed to have been on Death Row until the President pardoned him.  The call was made.  A lie.  Now his credibility is shot and he can barely pass off everyday “truths.”  But then there’s this other guy, smelly and disheveled, rarely leaves his cell, who really is worth $80 million.  And what about the meek and mild bocce player who was a notorious gangster?  In those cases, we’ve got no alternative but to fallback on the old saying, “You can’t make this shit up!”  And that’s the TRUTH!