Walk this Way

My new buddy G-Money is adjusting to life in prison, but we've run into a problem.  It's his walk.  It's not good.  To illustrate, picture the glittering pianist Liberace walking onstage.  (If you’re too young to have seen him on tv, check out a Youtube video.)  Now exaggerate that sashay to make it ten times more feminine and you have G-Money’s stroll around the prison yard.  We all know that a walk does not define a man, at least not in most places, but here in the Bizarro world of prison sashay = gay.  G-Money is secure in himself and open-minded.  He doesn’t really feel any need to defend his sexual orientation, and he doesn’t judge the inmates who are openly gay, but with that walk of his, he’s getting propositioned in the most overt ways you can imagine pretty much all day long, and that is annoying. 

So G-Money returns for another consultation.  Laughter ensues when it turns out that he is the only person on the compound unaware of his sashay.  All the jokes about shaking what his mama gave him, his “milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard,” etc. (even a move to hold an inmate-sponsored fashion show just so he can walk the runway) have left him confused and clueless.  Clearly an intervention is in order.

Well, I have learned that thirty-three years of practice cannot be unlearned overnight.  We’re aiming for a month-long project.  In week one, we’re starting with posture, hoping that standing tall and (pun intended) straight will help him look more stereotypically manly.  Sadly, early returns are not encouraging.  The walk I’m afraid may not be changeable.  We’ve suggested he at least grow a beard.  Meanwhile, we’re moving on to arm swing.  I’ll keep you posted.