Well, we are just coming off five days of lockdown due to
inclement weather. It is amazing what
3.5 inches of snow can do to the routine of a federal prison. Most of the time, we’re treated like
dangerous hardened criminals, but get a little snow and we’re kept inside like
children. God forbid we might actually
get our feet wet or enjoy getting outside in the snow. But
finally the snow has melted and we’re allowed to walk the outdoor track again,
where we can release some pent up energy and get some exercise. As good a time as any to share some of the
amazing conversations overheard while we were on lockdown. Believe me, nothing you are about to read is embellished in the least. I am merely summarizing
rather long and involved discussions for brevity’s sake. Keep in mind that inane and arcane debates
are a nonstop occurrence in here. These
are just my four favorites from our most recent lockdown:
The Moon Landing Conspiracy:
Sure, lots of people talk about this.
REM mentioned it in a song. But
in here the conspiracy has taken on a whole other layer of absurd. You see, the moon landing hoax was propagated
by the white man because they do not want black people to know the truth that
the moon is a man-made machine designed to help control the masses. The politics of all that was never explained,
however, because the participants in this debate got sidetracked by the science
involved. You see, you can’t land on the
moon because it’s way too hot. That’s
why it lights up at night. It’s a giant
light bulb with a powerful heat source inside making it glow. If you go to Ethiopia, you will see all of
this explained in their science text books.
The ancient Kushites knew all about it before the white man started to
hide the facts. The speaker has seen all
this with his own two eyes! I so much
wanted to chime in with the hope that the utility company in charge of the moon
would switch to long-lasting fluorescent bulbs to save a little money, but held
my tongue.
Family Planning Through Linergy: Two of my neighbors described this rapidly
spreading family planning model which came down to us in America from ancient
civilizations as the most effective way for society to function. In this system, males mate as often as
possible with as many women as possible, in order to create as many babies as
possible. The optimal number is one baby
per woman or 6-9 overall. The beauty of
the system is that the man is only ever expected to care for the most recent
mate and baby. Previous mates (and their
children) become the temporary responsibility of the most recent male to have
mated with them. That way no man ever
has to feel responsible for more than one woman and one baby at a time. There are complex rules governing the proper
way to interact with any other kids your current mate may have had with other
men, but at this point I started to lose track of things. It began to seem like some sort of huge
sexual Ponzi scheme. But anyway, keep in
mind that this model is called (for some reason) Linergy and it’s spreading
like wildfire. If any male readers out
there choose to run this idea by their wife, please do let me know how that
conversation turns out!
Learning Spanish:
This is a quick one. Two guys are
sitting together diligently attempting to learn Spanish (you’ve got to give
them credit for their dedication).
Discussing the challenges of this endeavor, one guy says to the other,
“Man, the crazy part is that for every English word, they expect you to know a
Spanish word! Whoever thought this shit
up was pretty smart!” I don’t mean to
make fun, but it struck me as really funny the way he said that.
The Emancipation Proclamation, Page Two: Okay, first off, I don’t know how many pages
are in the Emancipation Proclamation, so by no means am I judging that part of
this conversation. But did you know that there
is a secret page to the document giving the President the right to reinstate
slavery immediately nationwide with ONLY the approval of the Illuminati? Expect this to happen any day now, according
to the learned historians holding this discussion.
I did want to join in this conversation, because I find it intriguing
and would love to learn where people come up with this fake news. In the end, though, I decided to pass. Just didn’t have the energy at the moment,
though I do plan to bring it up again next lockdown.
Well, as you can see, just another typical stretch of
killing time in prison. If nothing
crazy, unusual, or surprising happened in here then nothing would ever happen at all. Although, now that I think about
it, if everything that happens is nuts, then doesn’t that become the norm? As one oldtimer put it to me, “If nobody has
it, then why do they still call it common sense?”
No comments:
Post a Comment