Flip Flop Flap

My great luxury here in prison is a pair of Adidas Slides (flip-flops).  While we are not allowed to wear them outside, they are essential for comfort around the unit.  For anyone new to this blog, yes I’m in a prison that’s relaxed enough to let you take off your boots indoors.  Many guys will return from work or the yard and slip on their slides or put them on for a shower.  I’ve learned to keep mine by the bunk in case I need to get up in the night for the bathroom.  Which leads to this installment of the clumsy white guy chronicle: 

The other night I climbed out of the bunk, slipped on my Slides, and headed to the bathroom to pee, neglecting to put on my glasses.  Well, the accepted prison method for flushing the toilet is to shove the handle with your foot, but owing to drowsiness, impaired vision and low lighting, I lost my balance and missed.  No big deal, right?  Except in missing the handle I somehow placed my foot – shod in my lovely Adidas – right into the toilet!  I mean up to my ankle.  As you may have guessed, there are few things on earth nastier than a prison toilet.  I yanked my foot back and raced to the showers to immerse myself in scalding hot water, somehow forgetting in my panic that the showers are off limits at night.  I’d be risking a shot if I turned on the shower.  On the other hand my foot is now contaminated with radioactive prison toilet water.  My solution?  Use the sink.  Problem there being, I’m not the tallest guy and not the most flexible either.  I just could not get my foot into the sink without turning around backwards, bending at the waist, sticking out my leg and dunking my foot in the sink toes down (try to imagine this contortion).  Which, of course, was the necessary cue for two guys to come strolling into the bathroom.  Funny, though, neither said a word, just nodded like all was normal and went on about their business.  I’m not sure what that says about our lives here, but it can’t be good!  Finally, foot and Slide washed, I hopped back to my cube and collapsed into the bunk.  Even a quick trip to the bathroom can end up being an adventure when you’re a guest of the BOP.