The Storage Problem

My parents visited recently and somehow the talk turned to the size of the lockers we are allowed.  My mother chuckled as I griped, saying it’s not like I have that much stuff anyway.  This sent me into a faux-ticked off rant which I summarize here for your edification.  Let’s not discuss the size of our cubes/rooms just now; let me just examine our lockers and all the stuff we have to store in them.

Each guest of the BOP is allowed two hooks on a coat rack and half of a two foot bookshelf where you can only store five (no more) books.  And a locker.  Rules say everything you own must be on or in the storage apparatus.  So you can hang your uniform and coat on the hooks, or maybe a laundry bag on one, that’s it.  Your small/medium-sized locker has to store everything else.  If you’re lucky, your locker may have four shelves that can function as cubbies, but usually they only have two.  In this space, you must fit the following:  2 sets of sweats, 2-3 pairs of shorts, 5-7 t-shirts, 5-6 pairs of boxer shorts, boxer briefs for exercise, 7-8 pairs of socks, a hat, gloves, and maybe a scarf.  You may wonder why I need two pairs of sweats?  Well, one’s for working out and the other for lounging around the unit or the library.  In such close quarters, it’s important not to have smelly, unwashed clothes, so you need this wardrobe to make it through to your weekly laundry.

Okay, you’re thinking, maybe that could fit in a locker.  But don’t forget toiletries (and backups for things like toothpaste, soap, and deodorant in case of a lockdown).  Pencils, pens, markers, paper, notebooks, letters, envelopes, books (if you have more than the five allowed on the shelf), craft materials (like my crochet stuff), it’s all got to fit in the locker.  Maybe you teach or take a class in the ACE program and have some reference materials?  In the locker! 

And then there’s food.  But don’t you guys get three meals a day, you ask?  Yeah, but it’s not great, and just having some crackers, peanut butter, maybe instant coffee or oatmeal packets and some candy can help you get through the day.  And all that goes in the locker too.  Along with your coffee mug, your utensils, a couple bowls and a tumbler.  Let’s see, what else?  Oh yeah, we can only have two uniforms out, so any extras have to be put away where?  You guessed it, the locker. 

Somehow you have to cram in your radio and headphones without getting them crushed.  So just take a moment to imagine, every time you open the locker door, it’s like a clown car unloading.  With one arm you try to hold back the flood, while with the other you rummage around for whatever you need, then you smush everything else back inside and slam the door as best you can.  Then you spend the day worrying about a shakedown, because God only knows how you’ll get everything back in again if the guard messes it up.  Okay, that’s my locker rant!