Good Fences Make Lousy Exercise Yards

One good way to relieve boredom and release stress while cooped up in prison is to exercise.  Slow pitch softball during the Summer is a favorite pastime.  We even have informal leagues for top athletes, strivers, and now -- thanks to my buddy and me -- a duffers clinic that takes all comers.  My buddy and I thought it would be fun to teach some drills and batting practice to our Bad News Bears crew, and so far that's been the case.  Well, until....

A quick note on the Yard layout.  There's a perimeter fence with a motion detector, and a truck on a hill overlooking everything.  If the sensor goes off, the guard in the truck can scan the scene to see if someone might be attempting an escape (as long as I've been here no one has ever tried).  It is not uncommon, as you might imagine, for a player to hit the ball to or even over the fence.  Which sends a dynamic duo of guards hell bent for leather down the hill, screaming at us to stop in our tracks!  When this happens, we all look around, confused.  Apparently, the ball hitting the fence registers a full out assault on the perimeter, but instead of responding from the truck with a "Yeah, I have eyes on, just guys playing softball," the guards call out security officers.  And what follows is straight out of Abbot & Costello.

Q:  What are you doing?
A:  Playing softball.
Q:  Why is the ball hitting the fence?
A:  Because it doesn't fit through the openings in the chain link?
Q:  Could be a drone dropping contraband, someone escaping, maybe an assault.
A:  (No response - that was not a question.)
Q:  Oh, you have nothing to say to that?
A:  No.
Q:  Stop right now or you are going to get a shot.
A:  For hitting the softball too far?
Q:  YES!

Screw that.  The next morning we played soccer.  So yes, the goal is about 15-20 feet from the sensor-laden fence.  You can see where this is going.  We were ordered not to play if we were going to miss shots and cause the ball to strike the fence.  Only play if you never miss a shot - guard's orders!