Fashion (Non) Sense

Ever vigilant for fashion miscues, the prison administration has issued a new memo:  "No cuffs, no folds, in your pants!"  Well, being on the short side, this relates to me.  Guards stop me to ask about my pants, and I politely explain that my tailor is on vacation.  They do not find this answer funny.  I then resort to plain-speak, offering that these are the shortest pants available and that laundry does not do custom-fittings.  Guys have gone back to laundry, explained their situation, but laundry does not hem.

So thanks to the new rule, I either drag along tripping over my own pants or I illegally cuff them.  Don't get me wrong, though.  I have no problem with uniform guidelines. I'm not cuffing as some jaunty fashion statement.  I simply don't like tripping when I walk.  But then this, just yesterday:

Guard:  Why are your pants cuffed?
Dangerous Criminal (me):  Because they are too long?
Guard:  Why?
DC:  Umm... (Is this a trick question?) Because I'm short?
Guard:  Why don't you get shorter ones?
DC:  Amazon doesn't deliver here.
Guard:  Are you being a smartass?  (Obviously yes; if he doesn't realize that....)
DC:  I just don't know what to tell you.  Laundry says this is the smallest size and you guys make me wear them.  How is my pants being too long my fault?
Guard:  (Having now reached the limits of his cognitive processing power) Get out of here!
DC:  Gladly.

And so it goes.